Friday, August 12, 2005

Attack of the Nerds

The kid's gonna race in the Boonta Eve Classic. If those Jedi are stupid enough to enter sissy-boy into a podracing competition, it's their own problem if they lose him. I wouldn't be surprised if he ran into a wall or something. Then again, I wouldn't be surprised if by some slight chance he won. He's about as sharp as a watermelon, but it looks like he knows what he's doing when it comes to driving. The only thing they'd need to worry about is his competition. And the course. And his podracer breaking down or something. And not finishing the race. Other than that stuff, he may actually stand a chance.

So seeing as I would be there awhile, I decided to pass the time by slaughtering anything I happened to come in contact with out there in nowheresville...but that got boring after awhile, so I piled up the bodies, lit them afire, and went back to the ship to rest. In my carcass pile, I'd acquired a few sand people, a massiff, two jawas, a dewback, some old guy, three eopies, another Jawa with a ronto, an oreo-dealer, and way too many scurriers. Master would be pleased.

I slept quite restlessly, having nightmares of a faceless Jedi, hacking my body in half. Not like that would ever happen...but the dream kept repeating itself over and over again. I must have had one too many oreos beforehand.

Soon, the dream trasitioned into me being stabbed by the same faceless Jedi. Somewhat of an improvement...but the painful stabbing slowly began to feel more like poking. I then awoke to find myself being prodded at by two humans. Not just any humans. Nerds. One was a rather hefty, vertically challenged man. He lacked hair, and he had spectacles that must have been as thick as that soup stuff Sids makes me drink every now and then(it's supposed to bring out my anger and hatred and junk.). The other was quite the opposite. He had a very noticable lisp, and I probably could have used him for a toothpick. A hairy toothpick.

Anyways, the fat one was leaning over me, poking me. Poking. Constantly poking. Apparently, the burning carcass pile outside had attracted them, and they had to check out my "intergalactic thstarthship". The fat one thought I was dead, so he and hairy lisp boy had to see what was wrong. I cringed in annoyance. I was ready to thlice them into pieces...I mean, slice them into pieces. Unfortunately, the hairy nerd had found my lightsaber and was pretending to be a Jedi. How practical.

I would have choked the nerds to death by way of the dark side of the force, but they made reasonable pleas for their lives. The hairy one said he could rewire my lightsaber to recieve radio signals(meaning I could listen to my favorite rock opera channel while killing things), and the fat one said he would stop poking me and start worshipping me. Fair enough. I decided to keep them. As long as Sids doesn't find out, I think they'd make quality pets. Pets who amplify my stuff.

I can't wait to test my lightsaber out on those Jedi...


Blogger Aayla Secura said...

Rock opera? You seem more like the classical music type.

10:46 AM  
Blogger Shannon said...

(Stepping out of character) I'm really enjoying your blog - great job!

2:47 PM  
Blogger Anakin Skywalker said...

Rock opera kicks. I like Jesus Christ Superstar, cause it's totally about me only with the names changed an junk. Oh, an the dude dies at the end. And I'm not Jesus. But other than that, it's pretty solid.

10:21 PM  
Blogger jedisiri said...

mmmm...what's in the rock opera?

10:41 PM  
Blogger JawaJuice said...

Y-you killed jawas?

Hopefully it was my competition.
Keep it up.

10:08 AM  
Blogger Shaak Ti said...



6:27 AM  
Blogger Chancellor Palpatine said...

Lord Maul,

Be sure and bring me back some Oreo's from the dealer that you slaughtered...

6:19 AM  
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